This is a sketch from the King Cobra's Christmas Gig 1999, that was the independent student production intended to be a performance of Star Wars Episode I: The Phan-Club Menace.
Ian Like a drink, squire?
Brian Sure! Got any Drambuie?
Ian Er... No
Brian Any Glen Morangie?
Brian What about Glen Fiddich?
Brian Whyte and Mackay?
Ian No - oh, yes yes! They've rented upstairs for a clan reunion
Brian No, Gordon's gin!
Ian No, not the gin sir
Ian I recommend sitting down with a cup of coffee sir
Brian (Groan) Well, what have you got?
Ian Er... Meths
Ian Absinthe? [pronounced "absanth"]
Brian That's poisonous!
Ian Scrumpy - 500% proof, sir
Brian That'll kill me!
Ian Wuss! I could dilute it for you
Brian What with?
Ian Irish whiskey
Ian We've got some stout left
Brian Oh, good. I'll have some of that then
Ian It's off. That's why we've still got some
Brian Off? How can it be off? You can clean drains with it!
Ian What would we want to do that for?
Brian You've never cleaned your drains?
Ian Drains are supposed to be dirty
Brian Well I'm off! If someone drops a lighted match in the wrong place, the whole pub could go up
© Brian Wakeling